The Doily Effect

Okay, today's topic is related to the doily in the above foto. I was setting up for an activity at the institute last night and my buddy Spencer and I made a very interesting observation that I think as been made before but deserves further attention. Subject one: the art of the doily. The art of the doily has been isolated to certain cultural cirlces....mainly the intense-Relief-Society-mormon-sisterhood circle. Notice I don't mention men in that ingenious name. It seems that this gift has (gratefully) been lost in mormon men. While strolling around the institute, Spencer and I saw the brothers and sisters of the local student stakes having their meetings. We pass the brothers and they're seated in a botched semi-circle with someone with horrendous hand writing scribbling something resembling the meeting's agenda on the board. They're talking about last weekend's football games (all of course are by now qualified ESPN analysts), how many girls they've tried to ask out this week (the number grosely over exagerated), and acting like they are all "The Man." Then we walk by the sororities...a whole different ball game. They had their seats in a perfect cirlce (measurements were made beforehand) with "cute little ribbons" on the back of each chair which were labeled with the names of each sister (which were carefully planned and plotted out to garauntee maxmimum fellowship). Then, there sitting on each chair was the doily. Not just nay old doily, no, but a doily attached to the agenda. I mean, what would a meeting be if no one knew what the conducting officer's favorite color was? A total waste, that's what. They're talking about how they did 1000 things at the same time today (because everyone knows that a good sister can multi-task), and how many creapy guys asked them out in the last week (the number grosely under exagerated). Another interesting result of these meetings is the distinct arroma that eminates from each room. They brethren smell like your highschool's freshman locker-room while the sisters smell like the latest "Herbal Essences" product. So I submit the question: Which cultural stereotype is worse? I contest that the frats have it made. Just K.I.S.S it. Keep It Simple Stupid. See, if you K.I.S.S., you save time, money, and the worry if the sisters think your scrapbook skills are up to par. The problem with the sisters lies in "the doily". Thanks to recent productions of "the RM" and other LDS films we've seen that Relief Society center pieces can get way out of hand. So the leftover energy from the lack of a center piece has been converted into the doily effect. Everything has a doily now. Visiting teaching assignments have to be magnets with a cute little phrase to make the sisters feel all guilty inside if they don't complete their assignment. Activity announcements are a class unto themselves, complete with rivets, ribbons, and rasberry perfume to lure more sisters in. A word to the wise: Sisters, if someone is not going to an activity, a cutesy little ribbon is not going to change their mind. Just do what the brethren do, lure everyone in with an intense game of out-of-shape church ball, and go around with the biggest van and round up all the ones that were too lazy to get off the couch. It works like a charm. Bloody noses are such an effective way to bond, and if you lean just right it makes such a nice design on your t-shirt. That's kind of a doily, right?